There are some days when you just want to write things down without caring how good or bad it sounds. This is one such day. Although the funny thing is I have no idea what to write about actually. A number of things are jostling around in my head, hoping to be spouted out to resemble something coherent. But today , I am not going to structure and plan how and what to write. I am just going to write!! Letting go is a risk I want to take here.
It's strange how the year will finally be drawing to an end in 2 weeks or so. And I have mixed feelings about this year. It's not been one of the worst years ever (That goes to 2010), but there were times when it felt like pain and hurt and loss were just encircling themselves around your heart, threatening to squeeze every life force within. And I feel it more keenly nowadays.But with these moments of plight, come days of such brightness and beauty, you honestly feel your heart will burst with feeling so much. (Too much heart-to - heart talk really..:P)
When the year ends, I'm usually in quite a maudlin mood , remembering all the things I did and didn't do the last year. Remembering the people I have met this year and are in touch with, and have become firm friends with. And I remember the person I've lost this year, who although gone, just seems to be there every time, shaking her head at my clumsy doings. :P
Actually, coming to think about it, this is literally going to be the last Christmas ever wherein I will be sure of what's going to happen (vaguely) the next year. It was always school, then junior college and then senior college. But now, after I graduate? What do I do then? Things will be changing. I will be becoming (hopefully) more responsible. And while some people revel in the future and what it may bring, I frankly am terrified of it. I'm terrified I won't know what to do and will once again choose something I will be unhappy with. I'm terrified I'll let everyone down. Aah..see there I go again.. Letting fear take control.
I think that's why I sometimes just like to write something down. Once its put down, a weight just lifts from your mind. And as these words float in cyberspace somewhere, things are great once again..
So, let's end this on an interesting note. I have always liked this song. Especially the main chorus..
Next Year shall be..Better than this..
It's strange how the year will finally be drawing to an end in 2 weeks or so. And I have mixed feelings about this year. It's not been one of the worst years ever (That goes to 2010), but there were times when it felt like pain and hurt and loss were just encircling themselves around your heart, threatening to squeeze every life force within. And I feel it more keenly nowadays.But with these moments of plight, come days of such brightness and beauty, you honestly feel your heart will burst with feeling so much. (Too much heart-to - heart talk really..:P)
When the year ends, I'm usually in quite a maudlin mood , remembering all the things I did and didn't do the last year. Remembering the people I have met this year and are in touch with, and have become firm friends with. And I remember the person I've lost this year, who although gone, just seems to be there every time, shaking her head at my clumsy doings. :P
Actually, coming to think about it, this is literally going to be the last Christmas ever wherein I will be sure of what's going to happen (vaguely) the next year. It was always school, then junior college and then senior college. But now, after I graduate? What do I do then? Things will be changing. I will be becoming (hopefully) more responsible. And while some people revel in the future and what it may bring, I frankly am terrified of it. I'm terrified I won't know what to do and will once again choose something I will be unhappy with. I'm terrified I'll let everyone down. Aah..see there I go again.. Letting fear take control.
I think that's why I sometimes just like to write something down. Once its put down, a weight just lifts from your mind. And as these words float in cyberspace somewhere, things are great once again..
So, let's end this on an interesting note. I have always liked this song. Especially the main chorus..
Next Year shall be..Better than this..
