End of an Age..

There are some days when you just want to write things down without caring how good or bad it sounds. This is one such day. Although the funny thing is I have no idea what to write about actually. A number of things are jostling around in my head, hoping to be spouted out to resemble something coherent. But today , I am not going to structure and plan how and what to write. I am just going to write!! Letting go is a risk I want to take here.

It's strange how the year will finally be drawing to an end in 2 weeks or so. And I have mixed feelings about this year. It's not been one of the worst years ever (That goes to 2010), but there were times when it felt like pain and hurt and loss were just encircling themselves around your heart, threatening to squeeze every life force within. And I feel it more keenly nowadays.But with these moments of plight, come days of such brightness and beauty, you honestly feel your heart will burst with feeling so much. (Too much heart-to - heart talk really..:P)

When the year ends, I'm usually in quite a maudlin mood , remembering all the things I did and didn't do the last year. Remembering the people I have met this year and are in touch with, and have become firm friends with. And I remember the person I've lost this year, who although gone, just seems to be there every time, shaking her head at my clumsy doings. :P

Actually, coming to think about it, this is literally going to be the last Christmas ever wherein I will be sure of what's going to happen (vaguely) the next year. It was always school, then junior college and then senior college. But now, after I graduate? What do I do then? Things will be changing. I will be becoming (hopefully) more responsible. And while some people revel in the future and what it may bring, I frankly am terrified of it. I'm terrified I won't know what to do and will once again choose something I will be unhappy with. I'm terrified I'll let everyone down. Aah..see there I go again.. Letting fear take control.

I think that's why I sometimes just like to write something down. Once its put down, a weight just lifts from your mind. And as these words float in cyberspace somewhere, things are great once again..

So, let's end this on an interesting note. I have always liked this song. Especially the main chorus..

Next Year shall be..Better than this..

Great To Be Back...

It seems a long time from my last post. Maybe a month now. And normally my blog would have been awash with posts this month (as it was in March) but I was a bit too lazy to write . Besides, I had my finals which I suddenly realised I had to study for as there wasn't much time left and these exams are really important for the future.. Sigh.. 

This is not going to be one of my favourite posts yet.. just a sort of warm - up :P I have an idea for something quite fun actually. Just need a bit more time to get it all together. And I've got to do a bit more of some research work now. So, the fun has to wait... i hate it when that happens. 

But its just a week or so more!! Then , it shall be time to really freak out. 

Watch movies. Learn German. Go out. Read some novels. Sleep. Work out. Writing letters. Christmas cards. Christmas preparations. Wedding shopping. A galore of fun and happiness. 

Aah, when will this slow, torture get over. Of this research project? 

I shall smile like this in a week.. Shall be blue no longer .:P

Just a few things I want to listen to...

At Peace...

Watching the world go by us a very pleasant thing. People drive past, frantic conversations are held, lovers fight and make up. It seems ironic that when Mumbai is at its busiest, you fell this calm and contentment within you which just makes you smile. 

Although I love coming home with a group of people gossiping away, I love the solitary journeys home from college. And I love it best with my IPod Playlist ringing in my ears. The sounds of the vendors selling their paraphernalia, the women fighting over places to sit, the announcer's voice all cease to exist and at that moment everything seems perfect. The sun is brighter, the people more friendlier, the journey much more pleasant. 

It isnt often that I feel like this. So happy with things. So not bothered by mundane things. Is it post exam feelings or am I relishing it more because I'm aware that I have another exam coming up so I value to the time more?? Its anyone's guess really.

And this has been a lovely relaxing week. There has been no pressures. No responsibilities. No "need" to do anything other than enjoy myself and recuperate. My mind is at peace.

Its like the rain outside my window at the moment. A period of coolness, of tranquility after days of intense heat. 

Can life get any better? 

Raindrops On My Window Sill !

]

Wine, Bicycles And A Lasting Friendship

To Sneha (aka Gerald),

On your 20^th birthday today , since I cant celebrate with you at your home, here's wishing you in person due to a social evil called exams, I just want to say what I would,  if I was there.

Well, first of all, Happy Birthday, Sham!! You’re finally 20!! Almost two months behind me... I will finally not feel so much older. From our JC years to now, its been 5 years with our ups and downs. With periods of hate ( I can’t believe it now , can you??) and periods of awesomeness uninterrupted.

 I want this year to be the best ever for you. May you rock your exams the same way as Laura Marling churns out songs. . May every day be as amazing as a buttered croissant (which we shall eat very soon!) May every person appreciate your awesomeness ( if they don’t already do) and hope  the rolling 20’s give you whatever you deserve.

Just a small dose to what I feel like saying… The Muse has struck.

Wine filled days, heartfelt banter,

Bicycle Roads, Mumbai Nights.

Cups of Coffee, Insatiable reading,

Exotic food, Sinful desserts.

Period Movies, Mr. Knightley,

Indie Music, Charcoal Painting,

Imaginary Avatars, Brilliant Accents,

Lots of fun , laughter galore.

Ex- train friend, forever best friend,

My twin soul, Partner in ideals,

Introducer to RA and NC,

Hope you will enjoy being 20!!

Well, the above words don’t say much about my relationship with my best friend ever. It’s a glimpse into the amount of fun we share and the things we’re been through. There is no one as awesome as she is (to me) and is the best person I know.

She’s the lost artist, the brooding writer, the patient listener, the wine sipper, the thoughtful dreamer, the passionate soul. The bicycle lover, the vintage-y dresser, the best story teller.

Hope you always be as awesome as you are know... 

                               

  

So Liam!!!

Yours,  

Crystal ( aka Liam Crystowski)

Inspiration...

I need inspiration right now . In fact, I crave it. My mind has become this stagnant pool of repetitive thoughts. It no more churns ideas out. It just gets lazier and lazier everyday . It resorts to poor sources of information preferring mere substitutes rather than a powerhouse of richness and knowledge or at least things which will soon begin to matter.

And while I crib about my state of mind, what is it that I do about it? Absolutely nothing! But I think becoming aware of such a problem is the first step towards its correction.

So , inspiration !! What animates my soul? Influences my mind. Makes me write or just wake up from this self imposed stupor. 

Good music definitely.  Listening to the powerful croons of Gregory Alan Isokov or the ballads of Noah and the Whale do shake me up. Following is my playlist of the week.

1. Monday -  Maak Jou Drome Waar - AB De Villiers
For the eye candy and general up lifting lyrics. And I've to learn more about Africa. 


2.Tuesday -Thistle & Weeds  - Mumford & Sons
No week is complete without Mumford & Sons. Its important to be true to myself and not what others want of me.. 


3.Wednesday -L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N. - Noah & The Whale. 
To get rid of those mid week blues and just do things without regret


4.Thursday - Enjoy The Silence - Anberlin
Sometimes nothing has to be said. Its more important to feel things and understand them. 


5.Friday - Sweet Disposition - The Temper Trap
Because we just have to live live and enjoy it for what it is and stop cribbing. 


6.Saturday - I Wish It Rained Some Wine - The Guter Gutters 
For friends and awesome memories. 


7. Sunday - When We Swam - Thao & The Get Down Stay Down
For happiness and love... 


Good books. Lovely Movies. Letters. Swimming ( Interestingly, I do get a lot of ideas when I swim ). 


But I can't really ask for too much now. 


As a friend of mine says :

When done properly, you’ll find that everyday can be profound because you’ll learn something new, meet different people and try something radical. So my point is that wisdom will always be accompanied by age because we never stop learning until we die!! 

Well said , bud!!


So , what inspires you? What makes those clogs go round and round. What makes you think out of the box?    

To My Fellow Viewers

It seems so weird to suddenly see so many views on my blog. Till a month back, it was a measly 100 or so. But now, its almost 1100... which is astonishing to say the least. And for that, Thank you dear visitors.

I am not the most voracious of blog writers, preferring to write only when I can't keep things inside me and need an outlet, so its posted on the Web or when I feel too much for something, its out there. Not a good sign actually.

Since, i have no idea what to say, I'll just leave you with my song for the day. Hope it brings a smile to your face as it does to mine..

I love the video and find the words apt each time I travel to college by train!!

A One Year Review!!

It's been a year since I started this blog. And It has been a nice year on the whole. I have finally left my teens and I aim to be a more responsible, hard working person. Life will get serious now and although I don't want to dive into it, I feel that I'm falling head long into something I don't know. But I'm sure this is what everyone will face and I only have to hope that I can survive anything and the people in my life are always there...

I haven't written that many posts, have I? Just 17!! A pitiful amount as compared to some of my fellow friends. Maybe I'm just lazy. Maybe I don't have things to say . But I do hope I can be much more regular now. 

Below are some of my favourite blogs I have written:
On Keeping Promises
On Introspection
Memories
On Wanting
Tread Softly...

So, what have I learnt in the past year? In no particular order....

1. That my friends will always be there and I can be who I am with them with no worries. 
2. That I can work hard if I want something and shouldn't take things so lightly when I can do so much more
3. That I am good at research even I don't specifically know anything about the topic
4. That I am able to get drunk if I drink... Not as invincible as I thought
5. That I made an absolute wrong decision in choosing the course I am in. 
6. That I love period movies and is actually good in remembering historical data.
7. That I am an arrogant , selfish person who will just do things to suit me.  ( I was shocked when my mum told me)
8. That I love Georgette Heyer and Regency Romances.
9. That I actually have a cliched hobby - stamp collecting... is it too late to start now??
10. That sending things by post is not as costly as I thought.
11. That I can bear even heat at 42c and walk a mile if I have too. 
12. That i can spend the whole day wasting time and finding it the best day ever.
13. That I can make songs up on the spot and even sound good doing it.. :)
14. That I can have penpals around the world ( courtesy Interpals)
15.  That I love Indie Folk and think the Indie Folk artists are the best hings ever... 
16. That I love naming things and my i Touch is called Arthur Wellesley... 
17. That people sometimes think I've stick up my arse even when I think I'm fair and basically a nice person. 
18. That I can be quite a good cook when I want to be... 
19. That I can be a better person and really reach my potential if I find the cause worthy enough. 
20. That I'll be better next year. 

Well, that's enough...

Here's my favourite song of the month to help start things off.. - When We Swam 

Cheers To A New Year....

An Ode To A..!!

I'm no poet . Nor am I the best writer around. But I write what I feel and what I feel lives through my humble work .

Today is the birthday of a very special person in my life. She is a good friend to me and sometimes I feel she knows me more than I know myself. To me, she is the epitome of knowledge and most of the books I read now or movies I watch now or even the music I listen to has been shaped by her. You can say that she has introduced me to the better things in life. Most of our correspondence has been through letters but I still feel I can tell her mostly anything . She is a better person in every sense of the word!!

So to all of you who read this, raise your glass to an amazing and talented person. To a person who is so generous and caring . To a literary genius and an amazing friend.

I cannot meet her physically due to geographical constraints, but at least virtually I can let her know how much I value our friendship .

Here's to an amazing birthday ahead!! Happy Birthday, Anu!!  

June: A Splash Of Rain To Lighten Life..

Is there anything as wondrous as sitting near the window watching the rain splashing against the glass? Watching the trees sway with the breeze. Kids jumping around and jumping in the puddles. And waiting to hear the thunder after watching the lightning crack through the gray sky.
I'm not the biggest fan of the rain . I hate getting wet and walking through that dirty murky water. But how can you be immune to its charms? It symbolizes such wondrous things. A start to a new beginning. The washing away of all that is unclean and the blossoming of nature. Such apt denotations .

I dread this year. I dread it for all the uncertainty it will bring and for the decisions I shall make. I tend to choose the wrong ones at times and now isn't the time to fuck things up. 

May was slothful and lazy and relaxing. I enjoyed it. I was like the heat - ever ruthless. Sucking away all the strengths in me till I was a poor image of my former self. A self imposed shell of a person. 

But June will bring a waft of freshness in. Like the rain. Ever pure. And comforting. 

May : A Month Of Ramblings and Lazy Thoughts.

 I really being alone by myself at times. I like solitude. Such a beautiful word. It's like a soul with attitude. Well, May has just gone by. Not my most productive month in terms of blog writing or personally even . It's been lazy and even slothful at times. It was relaxing. Yes. But not the kind which refreshes you and makes you awake and charged up. Au contraire, I have become even a lazier version of myself. My day starts at noon and ends at 2 am. I get a lot of sleep, yes! But this just screws up your body clock and makes it doubly hard to return to normalcy. 

I would say my closest companion this summer has been my computer. I had the right to use it due to my project to be done, but I don't think I was really sincere and spent most of my time working. In short, I goofed around a lot !!

I have found  some amazing sites and caught up on most of my movie backlog. Just wanted to put down what I actually had seen over the past month . 

TV Shows

I saw the usual ones on TV- Dexter, Las Vegas, How I Met Your Mother ,  Vampire Diaries, Being Human, Spooks, Robin Hood. But the best part is that I have found some amazing new shows which literally knocked my socks away...
Downton Abbey is such an  Amazing show. A clean crisp show with a beautiful story , amazing actors and fantastic cinematography. 
On the same family- domestic theme was Upstairs Downstairs. It may be an old show but I love the story. It was a bit more real than Downton in a way but that may just be the difference in eras!
I loved Cranford, Emma ( Knightley.. Swoon..) , The Crimson Petal and the White, Coupling, South Riding, The Cantebury Tales, Shakespeare ReTold, 
Horrible Histories is just awesome. I wonder  if there will be ever be an Indian version. 

The view of life in a different era

The past is no longer a mystery!!

The ever amazing Mr. Kinghtley

Books

Not really read a lot of what is " literature" I did get a lot of classics from iBooks but never got round to read a lot o it. I did read a lot of ChickLit and a lot of historical romances. I did however get introduced to some good authors- Nicholas Drayson, Georgette Heyer. . . To name a few.

A truly marvellous book. 

Movies 

This has been the month for movies. Watched a lot of period films. And been introduced to a foreign films. To name a few- Zwartboek( black book), The Millenium Series( the Swedish version) , Soldaat van Oranje, Turks Fruit, Mother Of Mine.... And the English ones are awesome as well. Mary Bryant, From Time To Time, Schindler's List , The Way We Were, Brideshead Revisited, to name a few.

Michael Nyqvist & Noomi Rapace in
the Millenium Series

Well, so there it is. My May Movie Madness Marathon ( Alliteration, hmmm)

An Indecent Proposal - Review...

Just stumbled on this movie due to a late night session with a friend. Found the story intriguing so just wanted to write about it.

Is Love Really Invincible???

The story follows the lives of a happily married couple, David ( Woody Harrelson) and Diana (Demi Moore) Murphy. They end up blowing up all their money in Vegas and just when they are about to leave they meet the enigmatic millionaire John Gage ( Robert Redford - as amazing as ever). He makes an incredible offer wherein he offers them a Million dollars for one night with Diana. After a intellectual decision (NOT!!), they decide to go in for the deal. And they expected that nothing would change at all.... But it obviously did!!! The ending was a bit too expected. I felt that John was the only one who actually had some sense in the end to do something. Diana was a fool. and David an even bigger one for getting talked into Diana's innocent talks. 

I'm not saying it was the best movie ever. There were times when all you could think of was "WTF?? How can you even do that?" , but it was alright in the end. I mean, she had to say Yes or there would be no movie. Obviously. But I don't want to dwell on the script or the acting. Robert Redford is as amazing as ever. I mean,  even though I haven't seen much of his movies, its quite understandable why people would want to say "YES"

The thing about such a movie is that it makes you sort of question your own moral base and judgement.Would I say "Yes"?? If you would ask me now, I would say "No". I believe love is enough. I believe love can conquer all. Well, just don't want to get cynical here but that is exactly what David said in the movie. 

"I believed we were invincible. I believed our love was as strong as ever"

But is it?? Is love really so strong? Is it naive to believe it is? Somehow, when watching the movie there was this very factor which went against all my principles. The idea of selling out everything for money. I acknowledge that money is what drives the world around. But does it have to be so tempting? Does it invoke such a feeling of greed and want in a person that they are willing to sell their own souls for it.

The Devil In Disguise??

I found the movie quite Faustian in a way. Selling your soul to the devil for worldly gain. Although the most important thing that the couple lost here was their bond and trust for each other. But does that even matter these days?? Is it only my weary soul complaining about the nuances of modern love or are there people out there who feel the same?? 

No doubt, I question myself a lot and proclaim to know a lot about love and its happenings. But I'm still quite innocent to its workings. But that does not stop me from trying to question things I believe in. Love is one of the few things I truly believe in. If I don't understand that, how can I understand anything? 

Like to end with a line from Noah And The Whale:

 And if you don't believe in God,

how can you believe in love?

It is definitely not one of my favourite lines being agnostic myself. But it does make one think.!!!

Day Of Reckoning ??!!??

26th April!! How soon that day has come! 


And no matter how much I don't WANT to think of it, it's occurrence is brimming under my subconscious . So what's so special about this day? Well, as juvenile as it may sound, it's the day of my results! An irritating fear in mostly every students mind. And I don't fear it just because I fear my marks or my ability to pass, it's the other things which make me fear it.

I made a promise to my parents long ago. That I would try to get a good percentage in order to get something I had coveted for a long time. Did my parents use it as a bribe ?? Yes !Did I buy it ??  Who wouldn't ?? I fully hoped that I would be able to fulfill their demand. But now I'm not so sure. Actually, I'm not!! But hope does spring eternal !! Maybe I did better than I think?? Wishful thinking?? I hope not...

Another reason why I'm dreading this day is because it makes things so final. That's it!  You've passed! You're in your final year. Yes, it's a good thing to be sure you're passing, but that isn't what I meant! It signifies the end to jubilation . To unwarrantable wastage  of time. To listlessness. To indecisiveness. To refusing to live up to expectations. 

Does it sound a bit too over the top ?? Maybe I'm just over analyzing this occasion. But maybe not. 

I haven't planned anything for the future . Not my style. I'm too impetuous. I'm a too " living in the moment " kind of person. And while that is not a bad thing, it is not at attitude which augurs to well for the future. 

A friend of mine who is the complete antithesis of me recently got into an amazing educational institution and she really deserves it. For all the planning and hard work she put in. But's its so difficult to be like her. But maybe I can try for a year?!


Here's what Noah and the Whale have to say about it::

It's the first day of spring

And my life is starting over again

The trees grow, the river flows

And its water will wash away my sins

For I do believe that everyone has one chance

To fuck up their lives

But like a cut down tree, I will rise again

And I'll be bigger and stronger than ever before

On Keeping Promises

It's easy to say "Yes" to something. But so difficult to go through with it..

I always thought I was an  incredibly resourceful person. That I would know what to do whenever a crisis occurred and I would be and excellent "Thinking On My Feet" kind of person. Sadly, 'm not as good as my imaginative projection of myself. I doubt myself a lot. Especially in silly matters. I like working hard. But I don't have the patience to get through with it. I want to achieve great things in life. But I don't have the determination to go through with it. I always let myself down especially at the last. When most of the fighting is over. 


I'm a 90% person. I slog till I get it almost done. But that last bit. That last extra effort. That's where my carefully constructed sand castle comes tumbling down . And then it takes even longer to pick up the pieces. Irritating, isn't it?


I hate it when I doubt myself. I hate it when I'm indecisive and unsure of the path ahead. I like being certain. Not in everything. But certainly in knowing my own mind and my own abilities. There is something intriguing about uncertainty in some things. 

"It is often in the darkest 

skies that we see the 

brightest stars

Maybe it is is good to have these doubting sessions sometimes. Maybe it helps you understand yourself better. Maybe it makes you more certain of things in a way. Maybe everyone can live beyond what they're 

capable of. 

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.

And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.

Get over your hill and see what you find there,

With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

Maybe one day, I'll see this period as one of the foundations of life. One of those things that makes you stronger. Something which will lift you from your abyss of despair. Of uncertainty. Its times like these when you truly get a holistic understanding of your character and resolve in life. 


As Mumford & Sons say:

Love it will not betray you

Dismay or enslave you, it will set you free

Be more like the man you were made to be

There is a design, an alignment, a cry

Of my heart to see,

The beauty of love as it was made to be

Maybe I'll just live like I love. Carefree. Generously. Wholly. Alive.

IPL Observations....

I really feel it has come all too soon and the sort of pride and national patriotism which was hovering around the nation due to the World Cup win has sort of disintegrated into this territorial division of loyalties. With the recent shuffling of players,it has become even more difficult to establish a proper team loyalty base. Do you support your City or your favourite player??? Fortunately for me, there is no issue ( Thank God, I can support Mumbai Indians whole heartedly and no be confused by my apparent liking for England , South Africa or India)

But the IPL is not all the exciting and fun to watch.. :( :(

Most matches are really one sided... Sad to watch ..really


Anyway,lets start on a few observations:

1. DELHI DAREDEVILS : What a shocking team indeed. Everyone who made up the  team has been sent away... No Vettori! No De Villiers! No Gambhir! No Collingwood! Really sad indeed

2. DECCAN CHARGERS & PUNJAB SUPER KINGS: Same problem. But Punjab is the worse off . At least Deccan has Dale Steyn and Sangakarra.

Anyway, the worst thing ever is the UNIFORM of the teams . Below are the teams:

1. KOCHI TUSKERS KERELA

Orange & Purple??? What are the designers thinking?? ' Gaudy" is an understatement....

Brendon McCullum ( who is HOT) is not
spared... Looks like a burnt shrimp
here.. 

So not appealing...

.

2. CHENNAI SUPER KINGS

They might be the defending Champions.. But no awards for their taste in apparel... Lemon Yellow!!! On grown Men!! 

Love Dhoni!! But he looks like this shrivelled up
 daffodil here...

Such a good looking guy is Albie Morkel.. but
he looks like my runny egg yolk here.. ewww

3. DECCAN CHARGERS

The colour "Shrek" is not in vogue anymore.. Preferred their previous uniform...

4. DELHI DAREDEVILS

Their uniform is the same, though the team is changed. Not a good idea really!!

Pathan looks nice too.... 

Morne Morkel!! Can spend hours looking
at him... :)

 5. KOLKATA KNIGHT RIDERS

Black & Gold!!! Sounds right in theory!! But not everyone can carry it off!!!

The Pads look the best!!!

6. PUNE WARRIORS SAHARA

The Black is Ok, but pair that with Puke Green!! Wrong there!! 

I didnt say it was horrible, but not really a "Wow" factor...

Somehow, Yuvraj carries it off!!! :)

7. KINGS XI PUNJAB

Its plain and boring!!! Enough said!!!

8. RAJASTHAN ROYALS

Royal Blue looks good on most of the lads... Liked the earlier uniform better .. there was a lot more Gold in it!!!

Johan Botha looks as dashing as ever... :)

Rahul Dravid.. is not so bad himself!!!

9. ROYAL CHALLENGERS BANGALORE

Red + Gold makes even the ordinary guys look like super heroes!! Glad the uniform is the same... 

AB De Villiers looks as elegant and stylish as he plays!!!

Dont like the blue strip though.... 

10. MUMBAI INDIANS

The Dashing Men In Blue look like rocks among the stormy frenzy of weird colours!! Subtle but still makes a statement!!

There isn't anything you can say... Its the perfect colour...

So, the uniforms were OK!!

The matches are pretty boring.

Any reason to watch it then...??

Not really, unless you are crazy about cricket!! And want to just ogle at some of your favourite cricketers..
;)